We started the IVF process in 2017, and had our first son, Benjamin in 2019. Benjamin is such an amazing kid and has been very vocal about his desire to be a big brother since he was barely over 2.
After a miscarriage in 2022, we returned to our IVF clinic to transfer our one remaining embryo. It failed to implant. We did a second egg retrieval and this yielded no viable embryos. So we did a third egg retrieval and got 2 viable embryos. The first resulted in another miscarriage (my 3rd loss) so we proceeded with a recurrent miscarriage work up. I was told everything was normal/negative. We transferred our remaining embryo and it failed to implant.
Every failed cycle was so crushing. I truly thought about giving up, but I felt in my heart, we were missing something. I requested 2nd and 3rd opinion consults and was told I should rule out endometriosis. Considering I had surgery when I was 20 to rule out endo, I was surprised to hear this. I found a specialist, and 4 months later had surgery again. I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis.
We thought we finally figured out my infertility; it wasn't "unexplained," it was endo, very severe endo! We proceeded with a 4th egg retrieval and made our most perfect, highly graded embryo. We did a 5th transfer and this embryo became Noah. We found on the Monday before Mother’s Day that I was pregnant! There's no words to describe the joy we experienced during my pregnancy and we will cherish our moments forever.
Despite not feeling well myself, the pregnancy was perfect, every scan, every check up, revealed a normal pregnancy. I frequently said, “I don’t feel great, but I am SO grateful.” Everything was perfectly falling into place. I took my last final for my FNP program, Noah kicked the whole time! I went about my day, feeling him kick. I was almost 36 weeks and with that final out of the way, I was so ready for his arrival.
The next morning, I woke up in a panic at 4am feeling like something was wrong. I got up and did everything I could to try to feel him move and I couldn’t. We rushed to the hospital, 2 nurses and 2 doctors attempted to find his heartbeat and couldn’t. I knew at nearly 36 weeks, a heartbeat shouldn’t be this hard to find. Hearing those words, “I’m so sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat” was the most earth shattering, life changing statement I have ever heard. Noah was so wanted and in an instant, he was gone. Just like there being no words to describe our joy, there were no words to describe our heartache. On 12/12/24, we said hello and goodbye to our sweet boy.
Following Noah's death, I had an array of testing, revealing that the previous recurrent miscarriage work up I had was likely a false negative as it seems as though I have antiphospholipid syndrome (APS). Unfortunately, because we didn't know this, we couldn't prevent Noah's death. Had we known, I would have been on a blood thinner and likely would be holding Noah right now 💔 I find it all really hard to accept and see my future in the field of medicine to be very uncertain. I can’t imagine practicing medicine right now after feeling like medicine failed me in the worst way possible.
After a miscarriage in 2022, we returned to our IVF clinic to transfer our one remaining embryo. It failed to implant. We did a second egg retrieval and this yielded no viable embryos. So we did a third egg retrieval and got 2 viable embryos. The first resulted in another miscarriage (my 3rd loss) so we proceeded with a recurrent miscarriage work up. I was told everything was normal/negative. We transferred our remaining embryo and it failed to implant.
Every failed cycle was so crushing. I truly thought about giving up, but I felt in my heart, we were missing something. I requested 2nd and 3rd opinion consults and was told I should rule out endometriosis. Considering I had surgery when I was 20 to rule out endo, I was surprised to hear this. I found a specialist, and 4 months later had surgery again. I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis.
We thought we finally figured out my infertility; it wasn't "unexplained," it was endo, very severe endo! We proceeded with a 4th egg retrieval and made our most perfect, highly graded embryo. We did a 5th transfer and this embryo became Noah. We found on the Monday before Mother’s Day that I was pregnant! There's no words to describe the joy we experienced during my pregnancy and we will cherish our moments forever.
Despite not feeling well myself, the pregnancy was perfect, every scan, every check up, revealed a normal pregnancy. I frequently said, “I don’t feel great, but I am SO grateful.” Everything was perfectly falling into place. I took my last final for my FNP program, Noah kicked the whole time! I went about my day, feeling him kick. I was almost 36 weeks and with that final out of the way, I was so ready for his arrival.
The next morning, I woke up in a panic at 4am feeling like something was wrong. I got up and did everything I could to try to feel him move and I couldn’t. We rushed to the hospital, 2 nurses and 2 doctors attempted to find his heartbeat and couldn’t. I knew at nearly 36 weeks, a heartbeat shouldn’t be this hard to find. Hearing those words, “I’m so sorry, we can’t find a heartbeat” was the most earth shattering, life changing statement I have ever heard. Noah was so wanted and in an instant, he was gone. Just like there being no words to describe our joy, there were no words to describe our heartache. On 12/12/24, we said hello and goodbye to our sweet boy.
Following Noah's death, I had an array of testing, revealing that the previous recurrent miscarriage work up I had was likely a false negative as it seems as though I have antiphospholipid syndrome (APS). Unfortunately, because we didn't know this, we couldn't prevent Noah's death. Had we known, I would have been on a blood thinner and likely would be holding Noah right now 💔 I find it all really hard to accept and see my future in the field of medicine to be very uncertain. I can’t imagine practicing medicine right now after feeling like medicine failed me in the worst way possible.
- Ashley
Last January I found out I was pregnant and would later find out I was expecting my second little girl. My pregnancy was rough but we got through it and welcomed a healthy baby girl on September 17th.
I had left her laying in my bed to take a nap on November 16. I left the house around 5 o’clock and around 6:15. I get a phone call from my partner saying that she is not breathing. we call paramedics, but she was too far gone. She rolled over in her sleep and had suffocated. She was my third child. She will forever be one month and 30 days old.
I had left her laying in my bed to take a nap on November 16. I left the house around 5 o’clock and around 6:15. I get a phone call from my partner saying that she is not breathing. we call paramedics, but she was too far gone. She rolled over in her sleep and had suffocated. She was my third child. She will forever be one month and 30 days old.
- Sam
Our firstborn daughter, Catherine Grace Yancey, was conceived via IVF after years of infertility. The first half of my pregnancy with her was normal until her 20 week ultrasound. It was determined that she had dilated kidneys and ectopic ureters along with a few other possible birth defects. This required high-risk monitoring and we were told that she would need a NICU stay until we could come up with a plan for her. We met with specialists in anticipation for arrival and we educated ourselves on the condition and what her life would look like.
On September 27, 2022, I was admitted to L&D for low amniotic fluid and possible pre-eclampsia. On October 1, 2022, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia with severe features, since I had fluid on my lungs. Catherine was born via emergency c-section at 5:33pm at 32 weeks and rushed to the NICU while I was sent to the ICU on a ventilator. I didn't get to meet her until the next day.
She was diagnosed with VACTERL association, which confirmed our doctor's suspicions. She also had IUGR, so she was about 2 lbs 8 oz and 12 inches long at birth. Most babies with VACTERL get to live somewhat of a normal life, but Catherine's case was more severe than anticipated due to the issues with her kidneys. The NICU team attempted two urostomies so Catherine could urinate. However, her kidney disease was far too advanced and she was too small for dialysis treatment. We made the difficult decision to place her on comfort care. We were able to dress her up for Halloween and we took her outside so the sun could touch her face at least once. She passed away on October 20, 2022 in the early hours of the morning.
On September 27, 2022, I was admitted to L&D for low amniotic fluid and possible pre-eclampsia. On October 1, 2022, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia with severe features, since I had fluid on my lungs. Catherine was born via emergency c-section at 5:33pm at 32 weeks and rushed to the NICU while I was sent to the ICU on a ventilator. I didn't get to meet her until the next day.
She was diagnosed with VACTERL association, which confirmed our doctor's suspicions. She also had IUGR, so she was about 2 lbs 8 oz and 12 inches long at birth. Most babies with VACTERL get to live somewhat of a normal life, but Catherine's case was more severe than anticipated due to the issues with her kidneys. The NICU team attempted two urostomies so Catherine could urinate. However, her kidney disease was far too advanced and she was too small for dialysis treatment. We made the difficult decision to place her on comfort care. We were able to dress her up for Halloween and we took her outside so the sun could touch her face at least once. She passed away on October 20, 2022 in the early hours of the morning.
- Amber
Tillian Wells Parkinson is my sweet baby boys name. He is our first born after years of unexplained infertility. We lost Tillian at 32 weeks due to my MFM failing to diagnose a giant chorioangioma ( a tumor on the placenta) It was found at my 20wk anatomy scan. They thought at the time it was only an accessory lobe and baby boy was in the 90th percentile! They did not inform me about it and the only way i found out was because a concerned ultrasound tech at a private ultrasound place told us. When we questioned my ob about it her nurse responded with “we didn’t tell you because we didn’t want to worry you” at 31 weeks my sweet boy dropped from the 90th percentile to the 5th. and 5 days later he no longer had a heartbeat. we were later told by our MFM “healthy babies don’t die in 5 days” which we all knew he wasn’t healthy because we wasn’t growing and then told “ if i had found it i wouldn’t have done anything for you anyways” We were failed by people that were supposed to take care of us. treatments are available for this tumor and our sweet boy could be in our arms. unfortunately our doctors did not do their job and we are left without our son.
- Jada
My husband and I started trying for our first baby after ten years of being married. It took seven months and that positive test came when I least expected it. I kept it a secret all day until Cory got home, when I gave him a set of toy car keys to tell him. I’ll never forget the look on his face. We quickly told our family. Everyone was so excited!
I was miserably sick the whole time I was pregnant. I had awful morning sickness and then migraines. We never dreamed anything bad could ever happen though.
When I was seven months pregnant, I got COVID and felt like he was moving a lot less than usual, and my O2 was low. Cory took me to the hospital and I got checked out. Raylan started moving once they put the monitor on and my O2 was okay, so they sent me home. My blood pressure was on the low side, but I was sick and just wanted to go home.
Four days later, I knew something was wrong. I hadn’t felt Raylan move at all overnight, and my urine was really dark. I was thinking maybe a UTI or kidney infection. Cory took me back to the hospital. Nurse after nurse tried to find Raylan’s heartbeat, and when they called my doctor in, she looked at us and said, “I’m not finding a heartbeat”. Part of me died hearing those words. She started explaining that I had lost a lot of blood, and they weren’t comfortable with me delivering there and wanted to send me to a larger hospital. It had never occurred to me that if something happened to Raylan, I would still have to deliver him. It was awful to think of labor without the outcome of a baby to bring home.
I was taken by squad to the next hospital where the OB on staff said I could either have a c section, or deliver him naturally. She warned that I had already lost a lot of blood and would likely be in labor for hours just to end up in the OR anyway. We chose the c section. I just wanted it over with. I had to be given two transfusions to replace what I had lost. Later, one of the nurses told me I had lost about 30% of my blood. I don’t remember any of the surgery. With the blood loss, the doctor said it wasn’t safe for me to have an epidural. I had to go under general anesthesia, and since I was technically still contagious with COVID until midnight, Cory couldn’t go to the OR with me.
Raylan Mack Brenly was born at 28 weeks on 10/5/21 at 12:10am, 2lbs 13.5oz, and 15.5″ long. He was beautiful. He looked just like his daddy. I regret not spending more time with him and not taking more pictures, but at the time, we did all we could do.
I was blessed with amazing nurses. The first night after Raylan was born, my nurse came in and told me about her little boy who was born still a few years ago. It brought me comfort to know she understood what I was going through. I asked what her boy’s name was. It was Jackson. I’ll never forget that.
We got no answers on why we lost him. We were told this “just happens” sometimes and we’ll never know why.
I never thought I would have to be wheeled out without my baby. I never thought I would cuddle a bear and plaster handprints instead of Raylan. We should be complaining about being kept up all night, but our house is quiet.
I don’t want pity. I don’t want to pretend he never existed. I am going to talk about him and cry over him openly, because that’s what mamas do. We talk about our babies. Raylan will always be my little boy, and now he’s our guardian angel.
I was miserably sick the whole time I was pregnant. I had awful morning sickness and then migraines. We never dreamed anything bad could ever happen though.
When I was seven months pregnant, I got COVID and felt like he was moving a lot less than usual, and my O2 was low. Cory took me to the hospital and I got checked out. Raylan started moving once they put the monitor on and my O2 was okay, so they sent me home. My blood pressure was on the low side, but I was sick and just wanted to go home.
Four days later, I knew something was wrong. I hadn’t felt Raylan move at all overnight, and my urine was really dark. I was thinking maybe a UTI or kidney infection. Cory took me back to the hospital. Nurse after nurse tried to find Raylan’s heartbeat, and when they called my doctor in, she looked at us and said, “I’m not finding a heartbeat”. Part of me died hearing those words. She started explaining that I had lost a lot of blood, and they weren’t comfortable with me delivering there and wanted to send me to a larger hospital. It had never occurred to me that if something happened to Raylan, I would still have to deliver him. It was awful to think of labor without the outcome of a baby to bring home.
I was taken by squad to the next hospital where the OB on staff said I could either have a c section, or deliver him naturally. She warned that I had already lost a lot of blood and would likely be in labor for hours just to end up in the OR anyway. We chose the c section. I just wanted it over with. I had to be given two transfusions to replace what I had lost. Later, one of the nurses told me I had lost about 30% of my blood. I don’t remember any of the surgery. With the blood loss, the doctor said it wasn’t safe for me to have an epidural. I had to go under general anesthesia, and since I was technically still contagious with COVID until midnight, Cory couldn’t go to the OR with me.
Raylan Mack Brenly was born at 28 weeks on 10/5/21 at 12:10am, 2lbs 13.5oz, and 15.5″ long. He was beautiful. He looked just like his daddy. I regret not spending more time with him and not taking more pictures, but at the time, we did all we could do.
I was blessed with amazing nurses. The first night after Raylan was born, my nurse came in and told me about her little boy who was born still a few years ago. It brought me comfort to know she understood what I was going through. I asked what her boy’s name was. It was Jackson. I’ll never forget that.
We got no answers on why we lost him. We were told this “just happens” sometimes and we’ll never know why.
I never thought I would have to be wheeled out without my baby. I never thought I would cuddle a bear and plaster handprints instead of Raylan. We should be complaining about being kept up all night, but our house is quiet.
I don’t want pity. I don’t want to pretend he never existed. I am going to talk about him and cry over him openly, because that’s what mamas do. We talk about our babies. Raylan will always be my little boy, and now he’s our guardian angel.
- Mandy
As much as it pains me to share my story I know I’m not alone we’re all a group nobody should ever be in I feel for all of you
Here is my story…..
In 2021 I got pregnant with the love of my life everything was great no problems at all. July 28th I had an appointment with my midwife and right after I had an ultrasound. While at the midwives they noticed my blood pressure slightly elevated they told me to go do my ultrasound and check in with labour and delivery. We did and were told everything was fine baby looked great. Jump to the next morning 10:00am I notice that he hadn’t been moving so we made what felt like the longest drive ever to the hospital as soon as we got there were put on the monitor. I was relieved when I heard his little heart beat They said he wasn’t happy but let’s just monitor you for a while so we can get another ultrasound but it will be a few hours At 5:00pm the doctor said we’re just going to induce you and was started on med asap. At 5:42 the nurse came in to up my meds while she was there she asked if I needed the restroom I said no but since your here I might as well go. I got back in bed about 2min later and the nurse hooked me back up to the monitor and couldn’t find him. So we laughed that he was being difficult and she called another nurse to try. She came in and tried to find him with no luck. At 5:47 the doctor came in with the portable ultrasound machine and that’s when I heard the most devastating news. I’m sorry his heart stopped my husband wasn’t there as he was with my oldest getting the car seat. I can still remember screaming and yelling ripping off my monitor and throwing it across the room the room was empty as the doctor and nurses left After a while the doctor came in and said we can send you home and let nature take its course or keep you and give you drugs to make you deliver. I chose the latter…I still didn’t believe he was gone and swore I felt him move holding on to the thought they were wrong .. on July 30 at 11:47 pm I gave birth to my first son. Eli David Charles born sleeping. He was so perfect. I spent the night with him and was discharged at 7:30am the next morning
Here is my story…..
In 2021 I got pregnant with the love of my life everything was great no problems at all. July 28th I had an appointment with my midwife and right after I had an ultrasound. While at the midwives they noticed my blood pressure slightly elevated they told me to go do my ultrasound and check in with labour and delivery. We did and were told everything was fine baby looked great. Jump to the next morning 10:00am I notice that he hadn’t been moving so we made what felt like the longest drive ever to the hospital as soon as we got there were put on the monitor. I was relieved when I heard his little heart beat They said he wasn’t happy but let’s just monitor you for a while so we can get another ultrasound but it will be a few hours At 5:00pm the doctor said we’re just going to induce you and was started on med asap. At 5:42 the nurse came in to up my meds while she was there she asked if I needed the restroom I said no but since your here I might as well go. I got back in bed about 2min later and the nurse hooked me back up to the monitor and couldn’t find him. So we laughed that he was being difficult and she called another nurse to try. She came in and tried to find him with no luck. At 5:47 the doctor came in with the portable ultrasound machine and that’s when I heard the most devastating news. I’m sorry his heart stopped my husband wasn’t there as he was with my oldest getting the car seat. I can still remember screaming and yelling ripping off my monitor and throwing it across the room the room was empty as the doctor and nurses left After a while the doctor came in and said we can send you home and let nature take its course or keep you and give you drugs to make you deliver. I chose the latter…I still didn’t believe he was gone and swore I felt him move holding on to the thought they were wrong .. on July 30 at 11:47 pm I gave birth to my first son. Eli David Charles born sleeping. He was so perfect. I spent the night with him and was discharged at 7:30am the next morning
- Angela
Hi! This is the first story submission for our new page to share your stories! This photo is of our sweet baby, Theodore “Teddy” Russell Michalski, born sleeping 10.06.2018. Thank you for being here, and thank you for sharing your stories with us. Please feel free to check back as more stories are added - and utilize the search function to find families with stories like yours ❤️
- Elizabeth Michalski